Emotional Intelligence can be defined as having:
- Self-awareness
- Self-regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social Skills
I like to think in terms of feeling a sense of power - Personal Power means you have the soft skills that make up Emotional Intelligence.
I believe your Personal Power is intact when you:
- Know who you are
- Are comfortable with who you are - warts and all
- Know what is right and wrong, your personal code of ethics = living with integrity
- Are honest and trustworthy not only with others, but also with yourself
- Are dependable, again not only for others, but also for yourself
- Handle the consequences of your choices, even the negative ones
- Know your weaknesses and your strengths
- Know what you want and find your way forward
- Have an open-hearted and non-judgmental approach
- Take responsibility for your actions and yourself
In my personal and also professional opinion I believe when you are in the place of knowing you can handle anything that is thrown at you, you have personal power.
When obstacles pop up, your own emotional triggers trip you up or you are on the receiving end of someone else’s emotions and you handle it well, that is the place of having your personal power in tact. You feel in control of your emotions, your life and your path.
Life is difficult yet you know you can handle it
Here are a few examples of what it feels like to have your power:
- When you realize and accept you always have a choice. At any given moment you always have at least one choice: to do or not to do, to go or not to go, to say or not to say, to react or not to react. In other words you can react in the moment and most probably regret it, or choose not to react, give it some time, and act on it a little later or even the next day.
- When you take responsibility for your actions. Regardless of whether the consequences of your actions were good or bad, you take responsibility for them and are comfortable to ask yourself this question: “What did I do, or not do, to help create this situation?”
- When your behavior allows you to sleep at night. You are not betraying yourself with the decisions you make or the actions you take. You are living from a place of integrity.
- When you are not living according to other people’s standards or beliefs, but to your own. Know that when others have influence over you, you are allowing the volume of your power to be turned down.
- When you allow yourself to hear what your heart and soul have to say and you are not listening only to your mind.
- When you are strong enough not to play the blame game. Instead of concentrating on blaming something or someone when something has gone wrong, you ask yourself, “What can I do differently next time?”
- When you have made peace with the past and are not dragging 'suitcases full of emotional baggage' with you to cloud the present. Learn from the past and let it go.
- When you remember a thought only has power to the extent that you believe it to be true. If you do not believe something, it does not have any power. Beliefs that limit your actions are referred to as limiting beliefs or disempowering beliefs. These are thoughts that you treat as if they were facts, giving that thought your power and thereby limiting yourself.
- When you are not reacting – or behaving – in a manner motivated by your fears. For example, this could mean you choose to stay quiet rather than express yourself out of fear of losing something, or the fear of confrontation. There are many fears that drive our behavior. Recognizing what your fears are is vital in personal development. To recognize fears observe what overwhelms, blocks you, gives you a stomach ache, makes you think of all the reasons you cannot do something or makes you go in circles always ending up in the same place.
- When you live in alignment with your personal core values, with respect for yourself, being true to yourself and what is important to you. To me this is one of the most important exercises to take my clients through. Re-connecting them with their core values is a fabulous foundation for personal development. It can be quite magical.
With your personal power intact you can solve problems and achieve the results you want.
If things do not go according to plan, ask yourself: “What shall I do differently next time to get the results I want?” Your answer will give you an indication what to explore.
After giving your power away to others often enough and putting yourself in a weak spot you eventually learn how to make better choices. This is all part of life and its lessons - do not stop growing and developing yourself.
